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April 30th, 2013

 

 
 
 

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Greetings everyone!  And a special welcome to all the new subscribers!  Why not ask your email contacts if they don't want to subscribe as well?

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Recipes for Africa

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I will lend you, for a little time...Edgar Guest


I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.

No parent should bear the loss of a child

South African Folk-lore tales

In South Africa we love the outdoors and camping and a very special time is sitting around the campfire in the evenings and telling stories. I recently came upon a book titled Outa Karel's Stories. Over the next few letters I will be featuring tales from this book which was published in 1914 and written by Sannie Metelerkamp. I will start off with the foreword and introduction before getting to the actual stories.

OUTA KAREL'S STORIES
SOUTH AFRICAN FOLK-LORE TALES BY SANNI METELERKAMP
MACMILLAN AND CO., LIMITED
ST. MARTIN'S STREET, LONDON
1914

Here are two more stories, previous stories can be found here.

The Flying Lion.

“Once upon a time,” remarked Outa, thoughtfully, “Oom Leeuw used to fly.”
“O-o-o-oh!” said the children all together, and their eyes widened with terror at the
picture called up by Outa’s words.
“Yes, my baasjes, and then nothing could live before him. His wings were not
covered with feathers: they were like the wings of Brother Bat, all skin and ribs; but
they were very big, and very thick, and very strong, and when he wasn’t flying they
were folded flat against his sides. When he was angry he let the points down to the
ground—tr-r-r-r—like Oubaas Turkey when he gobble-gobble-gobbles and struts
before his wives—tr-r-r-r, and when he wanted to rise from the ground he spread
them out and flapped them up and down slowly at first—so, my baasjes; then faster
and faster—so, so, so—till he made a big wind with them and sailed away into the
air.”
Outa, flapping his crooked arms and puffing out his disproportionate chest, seemed
about to follow suit, but suddenly subsided again on to his stool.
“Ach, but it was a terrible sight! Then, when he was high above the earth, he would
look down for something to kill. If he saw a herd of springbokke he would fly along
till he was just over them, and pick out a nice fat one; then he would stretch out his
iron claws, fold his wings and—woops!—down he would fall on the poor bokkie
before it had time to jump away. Yes, that was the way Oom Leeuw hunted in the
olden times.
“There was only one thing he was afraid of, and that was that the bones of the
animals he caught and ate would be broken to pieces. No one knew why, and
everyone was too frightened of Oom Leeuw to try and find out. He used to keep them
all at his home in the krantzes, and he had crows to look after them, two at a time—
not like the ugly black crows that build in the willow-trees near the dam, but White

Crows, the kind that come only once in many years. As soon as a white crow baby
was found it was taken to Oom Leeuw—that was his order; then he kept it in the
krantzes of the mountains and let it grow big; and when the old White Crows died the
next eldest became watchmen, and so there were always White Crows to watch the
bones when Oom Leeuw went hunting.
“But one day while he was away Brother Big Bullfrog came along, hop-hop-hoppityhop,
hop-hop-hoppity-hop, and said: ‘Why do you sit here all day, you Whitehead
Crows?’
“And the White Crows said: ‘We sit here to look after the bones for Oom Leeuw.’
“‘Ach, but you must be tired of sitting!’ said Brother Big Bullfrog, ‘You fly away a
little and stretch your wings. I will sit here and look after the bones.’
“The White Crows looked this way and that way, up and down and all round, but no!
they couldn’t see Oom Leeuw, and they thought: ‘Now is our chance to get away for
a fly.’
“So they said ‘Cr-r-raw, cr-r-raw!’ and stretched out their wings and flew away.
“Brother Big Bullfrog called out after them: ‘Don’t hurry back. Stay as long as you
like. I will take care of the bones.’
“But as soon as they were gone he said: ‘Now I shall find out why Oom Leeuw keeps
the bones from being broken. Now I shall see why men and animals can live no
longer.’ And he went from one end to the other of Oom Leeuw’s house at the bottom
of the krantz, breaking all the bones he could find.

“Ach, but he worked quickly! Crack! crack, crack, crack! Wherever he went he broke
bones. Then when he had finished he hopped away, hop-hop-hoppity-hop, hop-hophoppity-
hop, as fast as he could. When he had nearly reached his dam in the veld, the
White Crows overtook him. They had been to the krantz and, foei! they were
frightened when they saw all the broken bones.
“‘Craw, craw!’ they said, ‘Brother Big Bullfrog, why are you so wicked? Oom
Leeuw will be so angry. He will bite off our nice white heads—craw, craw!—and
without a head, who can live?’
“But Brother Big Bullfrog pretended he didn’t hear. He just hopped on as fast as he
could, and the White Crows went after him.
“‘It’s no good hopping away, Brother Bullfrog,’ they said. ‘Oom Leeuw will find you
wherever you are, and with one blow of his iron claws he will kill you.’
“But old Brother Big Bullfrog didn’t take any notice. He just hopped on, and when he
came to his dam he sat back at the edge of the water and blinked the beautiful eyes in
his ugly old head, and said: ‘When Oom Leeuw comes tell him I am the man who
broke the bones. Tell him I live in this dam, and if he wants to see me he must come
here.’
“The White Crows were very cross. They flew down quickly to peck Brother Big
Bullfrog, but they only dug their beaks into the soft mud, because Brother Big
Bullfrog wasn’t sitting there any longer. Kabloops! he had dived into the dam, and
the White Crows could only see the rings round the place where he had made a hole
in the water.
“Oom Leeuw was far away in the veld, waiting for food, waiting for food. At last he
saw a herd of zebras—the little striped horses that he is very fond of—and he tried to
fly up so that he could fall on one of them, but he couldn’t. He tried again, but no, he
couldn’t. He spread out his wings and flapped them, but they were quite weak, like
baasjes’ umbrella when the ribs are broken.
“Then Oom Leeuw knew there must be something wrong at his house, and he was
toch too angry. He struck his iron claws into the ground and roared and roared. Softly
he began, like thunder far away rolling through the kloofs, then louder and louder,
till—hoor-rr-rr-rr, hoor-rr-rr-rr—the earth beneath him seemed to shake. It was a
terrible noise.
“But all his roaring did not help him, he couldn’t fly, and at last he had to get up and
walk home. He found the poor White Crows nearly dead with fright, but they soon
found out that he could no longer fly, so they were not afraid of him.
“‘Hoor-rr-rr-rr, hoor-rr-rr-rr!’ he roared. ‘What have you done to make my wings so
weak?’
“And they said: ‘While Oom was away someone came and broke all the bones.’
“And Oom Leeuw said: ‘You were put here to watch them. It is your fault that they
are broken, and to punish you I am going to bite your stupid white heads off. Hoor-rrrr-
rr!’
“He sprang towards them, but now that they knew he couldn’t fly they were not
afraid of him. They flew away and sailed round in the air over his head, just too high
for him to reach, and they called out: ‘Ha! ha! ha! Oom cannot catch us! The bones
are broken, and his wings are useless. Now men and animals can live again. We will
fly away and tell them the good news.’
“Oom Leeuw sprang into the air, first to one side and then to the other, striking at
them, but he couldn’t reach them, and when he found all his efforts were in vain, he
rolled on the ground and roared louder than ever.
“The White Crows flew round him in rings, and called out: ‘Ha! ha! ha! he can no
longer fly! He only rolls and roars! The man who broke the bones said: “If Oom

Leeuw wants me he can come and look for me at the dam.” Craw, craw,’ and away
they flew.
“Then Oom Leeuw thought: ‘Wait, I’ll get hold of the one who broke the bones. I’ll
get him.’ So he went to the dam, and there was old Brother Bullfrog sitting in the sun
at the water’s edge. Oom Leeuw crept up slowly, quietly, like a skelm, behind
Brother Bullfrog.
“‘Ha! now I’ve got him,’ he thought, and made a spring, but Brother Bullfrog said,
‘Ho!’ and dived in—kabloops!—and came up at the other side of the dam, and sat
there blinking in the sun.
“Oom Leeuw ran round as hard as he could, and was just going to spring, when—
kabloops!—Brother Bullfrog dived in again and came up at the other side of the dam.
“And so it went on. Each time, just when Oom Leeuw had nearly caught him, Brother
Bullfrog dived in—kabloops!—and called out ‘Ho!’ from the other side of the dam.
“Then at last Oom Leeuw saw it was no use trying to catch Brother Bullfrog, so he
went home to see if he could mend the broken bones. But he could not, and from that
day he could no longer fly, only walk upon his iron claws. Also, from that day he
learned to creep quietly like a skelm after his game, and though he still catches them
and eats them, he is not as dangerous as he was when he could fly.
“And the White Crows can no longer speak. They can only say, ‘Craw, craw.’
“But old Brother Big Bullfrog still goes hop-hop-hoppity-hop round about the dam,
and whenever he sees Oom Leeuw he just says ‘Ho!’ and dives into the water—
kabloops!—as fast as he can, and sits there laughing when he hears Oom Leeuw roar
with anger.”

Why the Heron has a Crooked Neck.

The flames leapt gaily upward in the wide fireplace, throwing strange shadows on the
painted walls and gleaming on the polished wood of floor and beam and cupboard.
Little Jan basked contentedly in the warmth, almost dozing—now absently stroking
the terrier curled up beside him, now running his fingers through the softer fur of the
rug on which he lay. It was made of silver-jackal skins—a dozen of them, to judge
from the six bushy tails spread out on either side; and as Outa Karel’s gaze rested on
them, he remarked reminiscently—
“Arré! but Oom Jakhals was a slim kerel! No one ever got the better of him without
paying for it.”
In an instant little Jan was sitting bolt upright, every symptom of sleep banished from
his face; the book from which Willem had been laboriously trying to gain some idea
of the physical features of Russia was flung to the far end of the rustbank; while
Pietie, suspending for a brief moment his whittling of a catapult stick, slid along the
floor to get within better sight and sound of the story-teller.
“Yes, my little masters, sometimes it was Oom Leeuw he cheated, sometimes it was
Oubaas Babiaan or Oom Wolf, and once it was the poor little Dove, and that is what
made me think of how he was cheated himself.”
“Did the little Dove cheat him?” asked Pietie eagerly.
“No, baasje, the Dove is too frightened—not stupid, baasje, but like people are when
they are too gentle and kind and believe everything other people tell them. She was

sitting on her nest one day singing to her little children, ‘Coo-oo, coo-oo coo-oo,’
when Oom Jakhals prowled along under the tree and heard her.
“‘Alla wereld! Now I’ll have a nice breakfast,’ he thought, and he called out, ‘Good
morning, Tante. I hear you have such pretty little children. Please bring them down
for me to see.’
“But the Tante was frightened of Jakhals, and said, ‘I’m sorry, Oom, they are not well
to-day, and I must keep them at home.’
“Then Jakhals lost his temper, and called out, ‘Nonsense, I’m hungry and want
something to eat, so throw down one of your little children at once.’
“Baasjes know, sometimes crossness drives away frightenness; and Tante was so
cross with Oom Jakhals for wanting to eat one of her little children that she called
out, ‘No, no, you bad Jakhals, I shall do nothing of the sort. Go away and look for
other food.’
“‘If you don’t, I’ll fly up and eat them all,’ said Jakhals. ‘Throw one down at once.’
And he stamped about and made such a horrible noise that the poor Tante thought he
was really flying up. She looked at her babies: there wasn’t one she wanted to give,
but it was better to lose one than have them all eaten; so she shut her eyes and
fluttered about the nest till one of them fell out, and Jakhals caught it in his mouth
and carried it off to his hole to eat.
“Ach! but the poor Tante was sad! She spread her wings over her other children and
never slept all night, but looked about this way and that way with her soft eyes,
thinking every little noise she heard was Oom Jakhals trying to fly up to her nest to
gobble up all her babies.
“The next morning there was Oom Jakhals again. ‘Tante, your child was a nice, juicy
mouthful. Throw me down another. And make haste, do you hear? or I’ll fly up and
eat you all.’
“‘Coo-oo, coo-oo, coo-oo,’ said Tante, crying, ‘no, I won’t give you one.’ But it was
no use, and in the end she did what she had done before—just shut her eyes and
fluttered round and round till a baby fell out of the nest. She thought there was no
help for it, and, like some people are, she thought what the eye didn’t see the heart
wouldn’t feel; but her heart was very sore, and she cried more sadly than ever, and
this time she said, ‘Oo-oo, oo-oo, oo-oo!’ It was very sad and sorrowful to listen to
‘Oo-oo, oo-oo, oo-oo!’
“Here came old Oom Reijer. He is a kind old bird, though he holds his neck so
crooked and looks like there was nothing to smile at in the whole wide world.
“‘Ach! why do you cry so sadly, Tante? It nearly gives me a stitch in my side.’
“‘Oo-oo! I’m very miserable. Oom Jakhals has eaten two of my little children, and tomorrow
he will come for another, and soon I shall have none left.’
“‘But why did you let him eat them?’
“‘Because he said if I didn’t give him one he would fly up and eat them all. Oo-oooo!’
“Then Oom Reijer was very angry. He flapped his wings, and stretched out his long
neck—so, my baasjes, just so” (the children hugged themselves in silent delight at
Outa’s fine acting)—“and he opened and shut his long beak to show how he would
like to peck out Oom Jakhals’s wicked eyes if he could only catch him.
“‘That vervlakste Jakhals!’ he said. ‘To tell such lies! But, Tante, you are stupid.
Don’t you know Oom Jakhals can’t fly? Now listen to me. When he comes again, tell
him you know he can’t fly, and that you won’t give him any more of your children.’
“The next day there came Oom Jakhals again with his old story, but Tante just
laughed at him.

“‘Ach, no! you story-telling Bushytail!’ she said, ‘I won’t give you any more of my
little children, and you needn’t say you’ll fly up and eat them, because I know you
can’t.’
“‘Nier-r-r, nier-r-r!’ said Oom Jakhals, growling, ‘how do you know that?’
“‘Oom Reijer told me, so there!’ said Tante. ‘And you can just go to your mother!’
“My! but Tante was getting brave now that she knew she and her little children were
safe. That was the worst insult you can ever give a grown-up jakhals, and Oom
Jakhals growled more than ever.
“‘Never mind,’ he said at last, ‘Tante is only a vrouwmens; I won’t bother with her
any more. But wait till I catch Oom Reijer. He’ll be sorry he poked his long nose into
my business, the old meddler,’ and he trotted off to look for him.
“He hunted and hunted, and at last he found him standing on one leg at the side of the
river, with his long neck drawn in and his head resting on his shoulders.
“‘Good day, Oom Reijer,’ he said politely. ‘How is Oom to-day?’
“‘I’m all right,’ answered Oom Reijer shortly, without moving an inch.
“Jakhals spoke in a little small voice—ach! toch so humble. ‘Oom, please come this
way a little: I’m so stupid, but you are so wise and clever, and I want to ask your
advice about something.’
“Oom Reijer began to listen. It is maar so when people hear about themselves. He put
down his other leg, stretched out his neck, and asked over his shoulder, ‘What did
you say, eh?’
“‘Come toch this way a little; the mud over there is too soft for me to stand on. I want
your valuable advice about the wind. The other people all say I must ask you, because
no one is as wise as you.’
“Truly Jakhals was a slim kerel! He knew how to stroke Oom Reijer’s feathers the
right way.
“Oom Reijer came slowly over the mud—a person mustn’t show he is too pleased: he
even stopped to swallow a little frog on the way, and then he said, carelesslike, ‘Yes,
I can tell you all about the wind and weather. Ask what you like, Jakhals.’ His long
neck twisted about with pride.
“Oom, when the wind is from the west, how must one hold one’s head?’
“‘Is that all?’ said Oom Reijer. ‘Just so.’ And he turned his head to the east.
“‘Thank you, Oom. And when the wind is from the east?’
“‘So.’ Oom Reijer bent his neck the other way.
“‘Thank you, Oom,’ said the little small voice, so grateful and humble. ‘But when
there is a storm and the rain beats down, how then?’
“‘So!’ said Oom Reijer, and he bent his neck down till his head nearly touched his
toes.
“My little masters, just as quickly as a whip-snake shoots into his hole, so Jakhals
shot out his arm and caught Oom Reijer on the bend of his neck—crack!—and in a
minute the poor old bird was rolling in the mud with his neck nearly broken, and so
weak that he couldn’t even lift his beak to peck at the false wicked eyes that were
staring at him.
“O! how glad was cruel Jakhals! He laughed till he couldn’t any more. He screamed
and danced with pleasure. He waved his bushy tail, and the silver mane on his back
bristled as he jumped about.

“‘Ha! ha! ha! Oom thought to do me a bad turn, but I’ll teach people not to interfere
with me. Ha! ha! ha! No one is as wise as Oom Reijer, eh? Then he will soon find out
how to mend his broken neck. Ha! ha! ha!’
“Jakhals gave one last spring right over poor Oom Reijer, and danced off to his den in
the kopjes to tell Tante Jakhals and the little Jakhalsjes how he had cheated Oom
Reijer.
“And from that day, baasjes, Oom Reijer’s neck is crooked: he can’t hold it straight;
and it’s all through trying to interfere with Jakhals. That is why I said Jakhals is a
slim kerel. Whether he walks on four legs or on two, the best is maar to leave him
alone because he can always make a plan, and no one ever gets the better of him
without paying for it in the end.”

Burned Biscuits


When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed, yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.

I do not remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite.

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits and I will never forget what he said.

He smiled at her and said, "Honey, I love burned biscuits."

Later that night, I went to kiss my dad good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.

He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your mom put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides, a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone."

Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I am not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else, but what I have learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults, and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing and lasting relationship.

This is my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God, because in the end, He's the only one who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker.

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship.

Do not put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket; keep it in your own.

God bless you today and always.

So, pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burnt one will do just fine.

LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION: Phineas Dlamini


1 Phineas Dlamini, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Phineas works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Phineas never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Phineas is an individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Phineas can be
10 classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Phineas be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.


Addendum

The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

All you ever wanted to know about the 2013 Super rugby season

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Andy Nix Photography

Seeing that photography is my passion I thought it about time to feature a South African photographer in my newsletter. I have been a fan of Andy for some time now and would like to share the link to her blog. She is a great photographer and is fortunate enough to live in the Fairest Cape where great landscapes just beg to be photographed.

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Socrates

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread gossip.
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.
"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"
The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife.

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Afrikaans Newsletter

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Smile a While

Three Englishmen married women from different parts of the world.
The first man married a Greek girl. He told her she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days before he saw any effect, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Glasgow. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything. The second day he didn't see anything either - but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed sufficiently for him to make a sandwich and load the dishwasher. However, he still has some difficulty when he urinates.

As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned ... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:
ID10T
I used to like Eric, the little ..


President Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids. After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.
"Walter," responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Walter?"
"I have four questions":
First, "Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?"
Second, "Why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually gotten worse?"
Third, "Why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs?"
Fourth, "Why are we lending money to Brazil to drill for oil, but America is not allowed to drill for oil?"
Just then, the bell rings for recess.
Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Obama says, "OK, where were we?
Oh, that's right, question time..
Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him his name.
"Jack," he responds.
"And what is your question, Jack?"
Actually, I have two questions.
First, "Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?"
Second, "What the f--k happened to Walter?"

WAL-MART INTERVIEW

Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.
'Hmmm..let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man
'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.
Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'
Louie is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.


Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.
I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.
She'll read it very slowly ... 'com - for - da - bul '.

FROM ... "THE HOUSTON HERALD NEWSPAPER"
Last Thursday Night Around midnight, A Woman From Houston , Texas
Was Arrested, Jailed, And Charged With Manslaughter For Shooting A
Man 6 Times In The Back As He Was Running Away With Her Purse.
The Following Monday Morning, The Woman Was Called In Front Of The
Arraignment Judge, Sworn In, And Asked To Explain Her Actions.
The Woman Replied, "I Was Standing At The Corner Bus Stop For About
15 Minutes, Waiting For The Bus To Take Me Home After Work..
I Am A Waitress At A Local Cafe.....
I Was There Alone, So I Had My Right Hand On My Pistol, That Was In
My Purse, That Was Hung Over My Left Shoulder.
All Of A Sudden I Was Being Spun Around Hard To My Left.
As I Caught My Balance, I Saw A Man Running Away From Me With My Purse.
I Looked Down At My Right Hand And I Saw That My Fingers Were Wrapped
Tightly Around My Pistol.
The Next Thing I Remember Is Saying Out Loud, " No Way Punk! You ' r e
Not Stealing My Pay Check And Tips."
I Raised My Right Hand, Pointed My Pistol At The Man Running Away
From Me With My Purse, And Squeezed The Trigger Of My Pistol 6 Times!
When Asked By The Arraignment Judge, "Why Did You Shoot The Man 6 Times?
The Woman Replied Under Oath,
"Because, When I Pulled The Trigger The 7th Time, It Only Went Click."
The Woman Was Acquitted Of All Charges.
And She Was Back At Work, At The Cafe, The Next Day!
Now that's Gun Control.....

Found on the Refrigerator One Morning :

My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57years
old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a
good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not
wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18
year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be
upset----I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the
dining room table:
My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57
years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are
also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I
would like to inform you that while you
read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students,
who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your
secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you
will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small
difference - 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
 

Cows

A NAMIBIAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You make biltong...

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
· You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You go on strike because you want three cows.
· They get stolen, so you blame the previous regime' and steal someone else's cows and shoot their owner.

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION
· A farmer has two cows.
· You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international community to supply more.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
· You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· Both are mad.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You pray to them for food.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
· You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You count them and learn you have five cows.
· You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
· You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
· You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
· You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
· You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You have 300 people milking them.
· You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· The one on the left is kinda cute...
 

Images - A selection of my photos

Taken between Alberton and Vereeniging


Zimbabwe update

For the latest on happenings in Zimbabwe, go to:  http://www.sokwanele.com/thisiszimbabwe/  and subscribe to their newsletter, a really good source of current information

Cathy Buckle is writing from Zimbabwe, her letter is below.

Dear Family and Friends,
As we draw ever closer to elections in Zimbabwe and despite not yet knowing when they’ll take place, the rhetoric is already growing .
Top of the list is the embarrassing incident concerning the UN and the
132 million US dollars we apparently need to hold elections. After a joint request was made in writing for financial assistance from the UN by the MDC’s Finance Minister Tendai Biti and Zanu PF’s Justice Minister Patrick Chinamasa, a team of UN assessors headed in our direction but didn’t quite make it all the way into Zimbabwe.
Stranded across the border in South Africa for nearly a week it seemed that Zimbabwe had changed its mind – not about wanting money but about who they’d let the UN team meet with once they got into Zimbabwe. For days the embarrassing arguments went on while the world watched and the UN team undoubtedly texted, tweeted and twiddled their fingers over the border, not allowed in. Zimbabwe it seemed were perfecting their well practised art of scoring own goals.

Confirming that the UN team were stuck across the border, Finance Minister Biti said: “one section of government decided it was not in the best interest of the UN to come to Zimbabwe.” Meanwhile Foreign Minister Simbarashe Mumbengegwi held a meeting with diplomats in Harare and said the UN had shown hostility in previous fact-finding missions. "They wanted to be involved in our domestic political affairs," he said.

The arguments continued and just when we began to hope that this shamefully embarrassing situation had been resolved, Minister Biti
said: “We eventually panel-beat an agreement in our ugly handwritings to allow the mission to come. As far as we are concerned, the mission should come, and there is nothing that should stop it from coming.” We had no idea what the terms ‘ugly handwriting’ or ‘panel beating’ really meant but by then that the UN assessors had been sitting in Joburg for four days, stuck in limbo. Later we learnt that the MDC and Zanu PF had apparently agreed to only allow the UN assessors to meet with some of the people on their original list of appointments when they got to Zimbabwe.

It wasn’t that simple though. Believing we were back on track it came as a shock when Minister Chinamasa suddenly announced that the UN team weren’t going to be allowed in after all, and that was final.
"It was clear that the U.N. team wanted a broader mandate. They kept talking about the security sector and media reforms, all sorts of euphemisms ... and that we reject,” Chinamasa said. “We remain alert to any attempts to manipulate, infiltrate and interfere with our internal processes and we are happy we have parted ways with them. The U.N. avenue for sourcing resources for the election is now closed."

Wading through a week’s worth of shameful reports, our confusion grew over just how much we actually need for the 2013 general election. The original request for election funding to the UN was for
254 million US dollars but that dropped to 132 million dollars after we paid for our own constitutional referendum. Did the referendum really cost a whopping 122 million dollars we wondered or had we lost the plot somewhere along this murky road? And while we were mulling over that question, another puzzling statement came along. Finance Minister Biti said the 132 million they were now asking the UN for, was expected to be “rationalized” downwards to 100 million. Biti said:“…most of the equipment, the vehicles and the computers we acquired for the referendum are going to be used for the elections as well. I have absolutely no doubt that we will reduce this budget significantly…”

The mind boggles.

Until next time,
thanks for reading,
love
cathy.
20th April 2013. Copyright Cathy Buckle. www.cathybuckle.com

For information on my new book “IMIRE”, about Norman Travers and Imire Game Park, or my other books about Zimbabwe: “Innocent Victims,” African Tears,” “Beyond Tears;” and “History of the Mukuvisi Woodlands 1910-2010”, or to subscribe/unsubscribe to this letter, please visit my website or contact cbuckle@zol.co.zw <mailto:cbuckle@zol.co.zw>
 
The Basics of Baking.


A few simple hints and tips to fuss-free baking the perfect biscuits every time.

Pre-starter
•Always read through the entire recipe before you begin to bake. You do not want to be half way through mixing and discover you need 1/4 tsp bicarb which you don't have.
•Remember to pre-heat the oven 10 - 15 minutes before baking. If you are using a fan oven, reduce the temperature by 20°C.

Following the recipe
•If you have the room, weigh and measure all the ingredients needed before you start. This makes sure you have everything and also makes the mixing very quick.
•Never overmix biscuit dough. This makes the biscuits tough. Also cut all the biscuits to the same size and thickness to ensure they all bake evenly.
•Check the recipe before you start to see if it calls for a greased baking tray. Not all recipes do. To make it easier to clean the tray, line it with baking paper and the grease the paper with cooking spray or butter.
•A good gauge for biscuits is to place them 5 cm apart on the baking tray. This allows room for expansion and bakes them better. Some recipes will tell you to put them closer though, so read the recipe well.

Baking and cooling
•It is better to bake one tray of biscuits at a time. If you need to bake two, then swop them around half way through to ensure both the top and bottom trays bake the same.
•After baking, allow the biscuits 1 minute to cool in the tray before transferring to a wire rack to cool further.
•Never place the second batch of biscuits on a hot baking tray. Allow it to cool first, otherwise the heat from the tray softens the dough before baking and causes the biscuits to spread.

Techniques for baking

Make sure your biscuits are shaped properly and the tin filled evenly before you bake.

Drop Biscuits
•Fill a teaspoon or tablespoon with dough and use a small rubber spatula or another spoon to push the mound of dough onto the tray.
•An ice-cream scoop works well. Scoop the dough, then even the top with a knife or flat-edged spatula, then release onto the tray. A 1 tablespoon scoop makes perfect 5 cm biscuits.

Cut-out Biscuits
•If your biscuits recipe calls for the dough to be rolled out then cut, try to refrigerate the dough for about 1 to 2 hours before rolling it. Lightly flour the work surface and rolling pin and try to roll the dough out evenly to recommended thickness.
•Dip your biscuit cutter in a little flour to prevent the dough from sticking to it. Press it firmly into the dough, then use a metal spatula to transfer the shapes to the tray.

Chocolate coating
•Melt the chocolate according to recipe instructions. Dip the biscuit into the melted chocolate, then scrape the bottom of the biscuit across the edge of the bowl to remove excess chocolate.
•To cover a piece of slice in chocolate,use 2 forks to lift the slice and dip it into the chocolate. Lift the forks to remove the slice and gently shake to remove excess chocolate.
•Place chocolate-covered item at room temperature on a lined baking tray to set.

Problem Solving

Usually these is an easy solution to the things that go wrong when baking.

Biscuits spread out too thin
•Never place the dough on a hot baking tray.
•Make sure the margarine you are using contains 80% vegetable oil.

Biscuits don't spread enough
•Use butter instead of margarine.
•Add 1 - 2 Tbsp of milk or water to the dough.
•Let the dough for a while at room temperature before baking.

Tough biscuits
•This is normally caused by overhandled or overmixed dough.
•Too much flour in the dough. Add another 1 - 2 Tbsp of butter or sugar.

Biscuits are too brown
•Oven temperature is too high.
•Use heavy-gauged, dull aluminium baking trays. Dark trays will cause the biscuits to brown too much.

Biscuits are too pale
•Oven temperature too low.
•Use the correct baking trays. Insulated trays stop the biscuits from browning.
•Use butter and not margarine.
•Substitute 1 or 2 Tbsp of corn syrup for the sugar.

Uneven baking
•Spread the batter evenly in the tin.
•Check that the oven rack is level.

Slice in overbaked
•Use the correct size tin. If you use a bigger tin, the batter will be too thin and dry.
•Check the slice 5 minutes before recommended baking time. Each and every oven is different. They shouldn't be, but some are hotter or cooler than others, even though the temperature gauge on the ovens read the same.

Slice is gummy
•Use the correct size tin. If the tin is too small the batter will be too thick and will end up cake-like and gummy.

Storing Biscuits

It's weird, but soft biscuits tend to harden and hard biscuits tend to soften when stored. Here are a few simple tips for storing for a day or two, or for freezing for later use.

Cooling and storing
•Allow the biscuits and slices to cool completely on a wire rack before storing. Any icing or chocolate coating must dry completely at room temperature.
•Store soft and crisp biscuits separately, otherwise the moisture from the soft biscuits will soften the crisp ones.
•If crisp biscuits become soft during storage, crisp them up in the oven at 150°C for 5 minutes.
•Remember, flavours can blend, so don't store strong-flavoured biscuits with delicate-flavoured ones.
•Put a sheet of baking paper between each layer of biscuits in your airtight container.
•Anything that has been iced with cream cheese should be stored in the fridge.
•Uncut brownies or slices can be kept in a tin covered with foil or placed in a large resealable plastic bag. Once cut though, store in the fridge.

Freezing
•Place baked goods in freezer bags which can then be stored for 3 months.
•Wrap biscuits in plastic wrap before freezing. Stack in an airtight container, then freeze. This makes it easy to take out a serving of baked goods and not the whole lot.
•Thaw wrapped biscuits and slices at room temperature before icing or serving.

This South Africa - news headlines


Go to SouthAfrica.info Source: SouthAfrica.info
The all-in-one official guide
and web portal to South Africa.  
 
Recipe Requests

Looking for a specific South African recipe? Email me and I will do my best to find it for you! 
 
The Recipes

Chocolate Oat Cookies

150g plain flour
1/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1/2 tsp salt
100g rolled porridge oats
80g butter, softened
160g soft brown sugar
110g sugar
1 large egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
90g sour cream
130g dark chocolate chips

1.Preheat the oven to 190°C. Line 2 large baking trays with baking paper.
2. Sift the flour, bicarb and salt into a bowl. Add the oats.
3. Using electric beaters, beat the butter and sugars in a large bowl until pale and fluffy. Add the egg and vanilla and beat until light, yellow and creamy, about 3 minutes. Using a wooden spoon, stir in the sour cream until combined. Add the flour mixture all at once and mix until just combined. Don't overmix. Stir in the chocolate chips.
4. Place heaped teaspoons of the dough 5 cm apart on the trays. Bake for about 10 minutes, or until golden. Remove from the oven and cool in the tray for 2 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

Meringue Nut Cookies

60g walnuts
60g icing sugar plus extra for dusting
1 Tbsp cocoa powder
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
2 large egg whites

1. Preheat the oven to 150°C. Line 2 large baking trays with baking paper. Toast the walnuts in a small pan, stirring frequently, until crisp, about 7 minutes. Briefly cool the walnuts, then roughly chop.
2. Stir the icing sugar, cocoa powder and cinnamon onto a plate.
3. Using an electric beater, beat the egg whites in a large bowl until stiff peaks form. Gently fold the cocoa mixture into the egg whites with a metal spoon. Fold in the walnuts.
4. Drop generous teaspoons of the batter onto the trays, spacing them 2.5 cm apart. Bake for about 20 minutes, or until set. Remove from the oven and transfer to a wire rack to cool. Dust with the extra icing sugar just before serving.

Gingersnap Biscuits

60g soft brown sugar
40g butter
2 Tbsp golden syrup or treacle
40g plain flour
1 tsp ground ginger

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C. Line 2 baking trays with baking paper.
2. Combine the sugar, butter and golden syrup in a small saucepan over a medium-low heat. Stir until the butter has melted, then remove from the heat.
3. Sift the flour and ginger over the butter and syrup mixture and stir until combined.
4. Place teaspoons of the mixture on the trays, allowing for spreading. Bake 5 - 6 minutes, or until lightly golden. Remove from the oven and leave on the trays for 2 minutes, or until biscuits harden. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.

Melting Moments

125g softened butter
30g icing sugar, plus extra for dusting
30g custard powder
110g plain flour
30g cornflour
Citrus Icing
60g butter, softened
85g icing sugar
25g custard powder
2 tsp finely grated lemon or orange zest
1 Tbsp lemon or orange juice

1.Preheat oven to 160°C and line 2 baking trays with baking paper.
2. Using electric beaters, beat the butter and icing sugar until pale and creamy. Sift the flour, custard powder and cornflour over the mixture and stir until well combined.
3. With lightly floured hands, roll teaspoons of the dough into small balls. Place on the trays and lightly press with a fork dipped in icing sugar. Bake for 15 minutes, or until biscuits are just cooked through. Remove from the oven and transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
4. To make the icing, beat the butter, icing sugar, custard powder and citrus until smooth. Beat in the citrus juice.
5. When the biscuits are cold, spread the icing over half of the biscuits, then top with another biscuit. Dust with icing sugar. Store in an airtight container.

Peanut Butter Ice Cream Sandwiches

125g softened butter
125g smooth peanut butter
170g caster sugar
120g firmly packed soft brown sugar
1 egg
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
230g plain flour
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1/2 tsp salt
340g dark chocolate melts, chopped
1 litre vanilla ice cream, slightly softened

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C. Using electric beaters, beat the butter, peanut butter 110g caster sugar and the brown sugar in a large bowl until light and fluffy. Beat in the egg and vanilla extract. Gradually add the combined flour, bicarbonate of soda and salt and mix well.
2. Roll the dough into 3 cm balls, then roll in the remaining caster sugar. Place the balls 3 cm apart on ungreased baking trays. Flatten with a fork, forming a criss-cross pattern.
3. Bake for 10 - 12 minutes, or until set (do not overbake). Remove from the oven and transfer to a wire rack to cool.
4. In a double-boiler or microwave, melt the chocolate melts, stirring until smooth. Spread 1 heaped teaspoon of chocolate on the base of each biscuit and leave on a sheet of baking paper to set.
5. Place 60ml (1/4 cup) of ice cream on one side of half of the biscuits, then top with the remaining biscuits. Wrap in plastic wrap and freeze until firm.

Chocolate Marshmallow Sandwiches

250g softened butter
350g firmly packed soft brown sugar
2 eggs
410g plain flour
110g self-raising flour
40g cocoa powder, plus extra for dusting
Filling

185ml thick cream
300g milk chocolate, chopped
1 cup miniature marshmallows

1. .Using electric beaters, beat the butter and sugar in a large bowl until light and fluffy. Beat in the eggs. Add the combined flours and cocoa and mix well. Knead the dough on a floured work surface for 30 seconds. Mould into 2 balls. wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes.
2. Preheat the oven to 180°C. Line 2 large baking trays with baking paper. Roll out each piece of dough very thinly between 2 sheets of baking paper. Using a floured 7 cm cutter, cut 24 rounds from each piece of dough to make a total of 48 biscuits.
3. Place the biscuits 3 cm apart on the trays and bake for 12 - 15 minutes. Remove from the oven and set aside to cool for 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
4. To make the filling, heat the cream in a saucepan over a medium heat. Add the chopped chocolate and stir until smooth. Transfer to a small bowl and refrigerate, stirring occasionally, for 1 hour, or until thick Beat the filling for 30 seconds, or until light and fluffy. Stir in the marshmallows. Spread the filling over one side of half the biscuits, then top with the remaining biscuits. Serve dusted with extra cocoa powder, if desired.

Butterscotch Peanut Bars

125g softened butter
170g firmly packed soft brown sugar
230g plain flour
1/2 tsp salt
3 cups (480g) salted peanuts
Topping
50g butter
60g soft brown sugar
60ml thick cream

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C. Line a 38 x 25 x 3 cm baking tray with foil and grease the foil with cooking spray.
2. Using electric beaters, beat the butter and sugar in a small bowl until light and fluffy. Gradually add the combined flour and salt and mix well. Press into the prepared tin and bake for 6 minutes. Remove from the oven and sprinkle with the peanuts.
3. Meanwhile, to make the topping, slowly melt the butter in a small saucepan. Add the sugar and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes, or until dissolved. Add the cream and simmer for 3 minutes. Remove from the heat.
4. Spread the topping over the hot base. Bake for 12 - 15 minutes, or until the topping is bubbling. Remove from the oven and set aside to cool in the tin on a wire rack. Cut into 48 bars.

Cereal Bars

2 Tbsp sunflower seeds
2 Tbsp pepitas (pumpkin seeds)
2 Tbsp linseeds
2 bananas, about 300g in total, weighed with skins on
90g unsalted butter
60ml light corn syrup, or golden syrup
55g millet flakes
100g original rolled porridge oats
110g pitted dried dates, roughly chopped

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C. Grease a 28 x 18 x 4 cm baking tin and line the base with baking paper. Roughly chop the 3 types of seeds. Peel and roughly mash the bananas.
2. Melt the butter in a saucepan and stir in the syrup. Add the seeds and banana, the millet flakes, oats and dates. Mix well and spoon into the tin, levelling the surface.
3. Bake for about 30 minutes, or until golden brown. Leave to cool in the tin for 5 minutes, then slice into 14 bars. Cool completely. The bars can be kept in an airtight container for up to 2 days.

Lemon Slice

200g unsalted butter, chopped
60g icing sugar
230g plain flour
Topping
6 eggs
340g caster sugar
finely grated zest of 1 lemon
125ml lemon juice
80g plain flour
icing sugar for dusting

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C. Line a 20 x 30 cm baking tin with baking paper. Combine the butter, icing sugar and flour in a food processor and process until the mixture comes together in a ball - you may need to add a tsp of cold water to bring the mixture together.
2. Press the dough evenly into the tin and prick several times with a fork. Bake for 25 minutes, or until lightly golden.
3. Meanwhile, to make the topping, whisk the eggs in a bowl. Mix in the sugar, lemon zest and lemon juice. Sift the flour over the mixture and whisk to combine.
4. Pour the mixture over the biscuit base and bake for 15 minutes, or until the topping has just set. Remove from the oven and leave to cool in the tin. Cut into 5 cm squares and dust with icing sugar.

Brownies

250g unsalted butter, diced
200g dark chocolate, roughly chopped
100g dark chocolate chunks or chips extra
410g soft brown sugar
4 eggs, lightly beaten
1 tsp vanilla extract
190g plain flour, sifted
icing sugar for dusting

1.Preheat the oven to 170°C. Line a 28 x 18 cm baking tin with baking paper.
2. Melt the butter and the 200g of chopped chocolate in a saucepan over a low heat. Whisk in the brown sugar until combined, then set aside for 5 minutes to cool.
3. Whisk in the eggs and vanilla extract, then stir in the flour. Add the chocolate chunks or chips and stir to combine.
4. Pour the mixture into the tin. Bake for 35 minutes, or until the top is firm and the cake is coming away from the sides of the tin - it should still be very moist inside.
5. Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely in the tin. Cut into 12 pieces and store in an airtight container. Serve dusted with icing sugar.
 

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I must add that I got just over R900 in commission in February, every little bit helps. It takes some time, but it will happen eventually. Remember to upgrade to start participating in the income stream.

I received this email recently:

Yes, out of curiosity I visited Be Motivated Today during September 2009, but only joined during August 2010, what a waste of time!!!.
If I knew what was happening during the year I wasted, man, I would have joined immediately after I  read the details of the setup.
I now have a waiting list of seven on my downline (one already joined as Silver), the others are bound to join during November and they are jumping around purely from excitement to get started and its rubbing off on me as well.
Just one question: My intention is to place an invitation advertisement on the rear window of my car, do you think it could shake some people out of their dreams and make them joining us?


My Super Duper Recipe CD

I have just added 37 very old digitally scanned (you see the actual pages of the book) recipe books to the CD, at no extra cost. Here is your chance to have a really unique recipe book collection.

I have decided to simplify the way I sell my recipe eBook collection.

I am putting them all on one CD in an English and Afrikaans folder now also a folder with the very old books,  over 130 recipe eBooks in all. That means less than R1 a recipe book, a real bargain! Most of the books come with resale rights so you can sell them individually if you wish.

Pricing: The CD costs  R120 registered postage included (R150 for next day Speed Services delivery in SA). Once I mail the CD I will email you the post office tracking number

Paypal orders also accepted at US$20 per CD overseas postage included. My Paypal email addy is peter@funkymunky.co.za

If you are interested in my Super CD just click here and I will send you my banking details. Remember to include you postal address.

As soon as I mail the CD I will email you the post office tracking number as proof of despatch.

FunkyMunky Traditional South African Recipes - A comprehensive collection of Traditional South African recipes.
Tradisionele Suid Afrikaanse Resepte - Traditional South African Recipes in Afrikaans
Christmas Recipes - A selection of Christmas Recipes for you to try!
101 Camping and Outdoor Recipes - Recipes for you to try next time you go camping
400 Refreshing punch recipes - Some great ideas for liquid refreshment at your next party
Favourite Christmas Cookies - 34 Great cookie recipes for you to enjoy!
Christmas Cookie Recipes - A delicious collection of Christmas Cookie Recipes
A Homemade Christmas - 100 Simple and delicious recipes for your special holiday meals
Holiday Candy and Fudge - 42 Great candy recipes, a hit with kids of all ages!
Kids Fun Recipes - 120 Fun and Delicious Recipes
Delicious Puddings - A Collection of 167 Pudding Recipes
Pumpkin Pie - Pumpkin pies and more!
Salad Recipes - A Collection of Easy to Follow Salad Recipes
Summer Party Cookbook - The name says it all!
Pampercat and Pamperdog - Recipe treats for your feline and canine friends
80 Seasonal Recipes from around the world - A selection of festive recipes from the four corners of the globe!
Crockpot Recipes - In South Africa we would probably call this Potjiekos
International Recipes - A selection of recipes from all over the world
Fish and Game Recipes - A selection of mouthwatering recipes
Lemonade - A large selection of lemonade recipes
Pizzeria - Try some of these great pizza recipes
Casseroles - 17 pages of mouthwatering casserole recipes
Low Fat Recipes - Watching your cholesterol? Then this is for you!
Soup Recipes - Ideal for those cold winter evenings
Chicken Recipes - 300 Delicious Chicken Recipes
Amish Recipes - 65 Tried and True Traditional Amish Recipes
Apple Recipes - Mouth watering apple recipes
Blue Ribbon Recipes - 490 Award Winning Recipes
The Bread Book - The bread and biscuit baker's and sugar boiler's assistant
Chocolate Delights - Deliciously decadent and delightful recipes for the chocaholic in you
Carolina Mountain Cooking - Created from the recipes and memories of two of the Carolina Mountain's most talented cooks.
Egg Recipes - 111 Great Egg Recipes
Great Gifts in a Jar - A personally made gift is usually more appreciated!
Italian Recipes - A collection of 185 delicious Italian dishes
Smoothies - 126 Easy recipes for maximum sports performance
Top Secret Recipes - Top secret famous recipes
Wings - The ultimate chicken wing cookbook
The Barmaster - Essential tips and techniques for bartenders
Be a Grillmaster - How to host the perfect bbq!
101 Good Jam Recipes - Make your own jams, 101 recipes for you to try
Deep Fryer Recipes - 101 Recipes for the Deep Fryer
Frozen Dessert Recipes - From ice cream to yoghurt - 170 pages of mouthwatering recipes.
Recipes from South of the Border - 247 pages of typically Mexican recipes
Various Rice Dishes - 32 Great Rice Dishes
The Appetizer Collection - More than 150 pages of great ideas for appetizers
The Big Book of Cookies - From Almond Bars to Zucchini Bars, they are all here, 233 pages of cookie recipes
Salad Recipes - A Collection of Easy to Follow Salad Recipes
Delicious Diabetic Recipes - A Collection of over 500 yummy recipes.
Cheesecake Recipes - Nearly 100 pages of yummilicious cheesecake recipes!

Bonus eBooks

Something for the gardeners
Organic Secrets - Everything you wanted to know about organic food


Profitable Crafts- Vol 1
Profitable Crafts - Vol 2
Profitable Crafts - Vol 3
Profitable Crafts - Vol 4
20 Vintage Crochet Patterns

Everything you wanted to know about making, marketing and selling your crafts.


Big Fat Lies - A shocking expose of the 12 biggest scams, cover-ups, lies, myths and deceptions
in the diet and weight-loss industries.

10,000 Dreams Interpreted

A List of the very old digitally scanned recipe eBooks.

A Calendar of Dinners with 615 recipes - 1922
A Dozen dainty recipes for preparing wartime canned meats - 1920
A Home Guide - or a book by 500 ladies - 1877
Aunt Carolines Dixieland Recipes - 1922
A Practical Dictionary of Cookery - 1200 tested recipes - 1898
Best recipes for baking - pre 1908
Buckeye Cookery and Practical Housekeeping - 1877
Burke's Complete Cocktail and tasty bite recipes - 1936
Catering for special occasions with menus and recipes - 1911
Diabetic Cookery - recipes and menus - 1917
Fifty Choice Recipes for Spanish and Mexican Dishes - 1905
Fifty valuable and delicious recipes made with corn meal - 1917
Heart of the Wheat - a book of recipes - 1910
Hospitality - recipes and enteertainment hints for all occasions - 1922
Hotel Management - quantity food recipes
Household hints and recipes - 1877
Ice Cream - practical recipes for making ice cream - 1886
Information for everybody - 1859
Jane Hamiltons Recipes - 1909
Just the thing - dainty dishes at small cost - 1899
Larger cookery book of extra recipes - 1891
Leather Manufacture - 1891
Light entertaining - a book of dainty recipes for special occasions - 1910
Mom's Cookbook
On Uncle Sam's Water Wagon - 500 recipes for delicious drinks that can be made at home - 1919
Our candy recipes - 1919
Practical Household Cookery - 1000 recipes - 1891
Preserves and Pickles - 1912
Recipes - dainties, salads and clever hints - 1919
Recipes for the preserving of fruit vegetables and meat - 1908
The Candy Maker's Guide - 1896
The Housekeeper's Friend - 1897
The Hygenic Cookbook - 1881
Tried and Tested Recipes - 1921
Two Hundred and Seventy Five Wartime Recipes - 1918
Two hundred recipes for cooking in casseroles - 1914
Two hundred recipes for making desserts - 1912
War Time Cookery - 1917
Wheatless Recipes - 1918
Wrinkles and Recipes, including farming and household hints - 1877

And here is a list of the recipe eBooks on the Afrikaans CD:

217 Egte Afrikaanse resepte, Aartappels, Beskuitresepte, Afrikaanse Resepteverskeidenheid, Brood resepte, Vul die beskuitblik, 'n Broodjie vir die blik, Blokkieskoek, Burgers Patties Frikadelle, Brood resepte, Drankies, Drinkgoed, Gemmerbier, Groente, Eet jou groente, Hoender resepte, Happies en Poffers, Kaaskoek, Ietsie anders resepte, Kerskoeke, Karavaan resepte, Kleinkoekies, Kinderlekkerte, Koekiedrukker resepte, Koeke, Likeur, Lekkergoed resepte, Nog resepte, McCain resepte, Moedersdag resepte
Mikrogolf resepte, Peterjasie se boek, Pastageregte, Peterjasie se Kersresepte versameling
Peterjasie se eBoek van vernoemde resepte, Poeding, Peterjasie se Tradisionele SA resepte
Resepte met biltong, Resepteverskeidenheid - ook grootmaat, Slaaie, Sommer net resepte, Sop in die pot, Sop resepte, Terte, Sous, Verskeie resepte 1, Souttert & Pannekoek, Vis en hoender, Veelsydige hoender, Vleisgeregte vir Kersdag, Verskeie resepte 2, Warm en koue drankies, Vleisresepte, Wille samies, Wafels en Pannekoeke, Wors en worsies

Allerlei

Annette se Boererate, Boererate en Verbruikerswenke, Hartstigting dieet, Lennons medikasie, Mate en gewigte, Sop dieet, S A Boererate eBoek, Metrieke omskakelingstabel, Werk van die huis


Silversands Online casino

We usually go to Carnival City, our local entertainment complex about twice a month for a movie, a good meal and a flutter at the tables or machines. Most times it is crowded and my favourite machines are taken. Then I came across Silversands online casino. You simply sign up, download some software and you can practice with fun money to your heart's content before you play with the real thing.
Give it a try,   Click Here  .  


Children's Stories on CD
Find it hard to get quality children’s stories? Join the popular Anna Emm Story Club in Afrikaans or English, and start adding to your child’s CD collection at an early age! Collect al 96 original stories (on 48 CDs!) over 2 years, or join for a minimum of 3 months - you decide! Receive 2 new CDs with original children’s stories every month! Anna Emm Productions has already produced more than 500 new children’s stories on CD. Click here to join . Ideal gift for children and grandchildren.


Africam
Just another reminder to join the Africam fan page on Facebook. They will be posting photos / videos and other udates and articles on the fan page from now.
join at http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/Africam/169676953137?ref=ts
Also visit the Africam  website


Biltong in Australia?

It's not only the South African immigrants to Australia who are fond of biltong. More-and-more Australians are finding that biltong made with South African spices is so much tastier than the simple dried-meat product they call jerky. That's created a local market for South African spices, and an opportunity for a Brisbane-based business called Biltongspice.

Biltongspice now supplies a wide range of traditional and new spice products ideal for making biltong, jerky, droewors, boerewors and similar meat products. Their products include the Freddy Hirsch, Meister, Crown National, Aromat and Marina ranges, together with accessories such as biltong machines and biltong cutters. They also carry the top quality Protea biltong and droewors products, and ship locally throughout Australia. See their website www.biltongspice.com.au

 

Subscribe / Unsubscribe / Contact

To subscribe to this newsletter and view previous newsletters,  click here, to subscribe to my Afrikaans newsletter, click here. To unsubscribe, click on the appropriate link above and unsubscribe or email me at :  peter@funkymunky.co.za


 

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